Last night, I was watching The Bachelor finale--a whole story in and of itself--and one of the girls, Nikki, made a statement about relationships not having any passion unless fighting is involved. It's not the first time I have heard this expressed, but I want to share my views on it because I believe it to be completely unfounded and untrue.

My nine-year relationship with Hubs is living proof.


Some couples Hubs and I know and have known agree with Nikki. They seem to wholeheartedly believe that a relationship simply cannot progress if there is no fighting or that their relationship is stronger as a result of fighting. Now, Hubs and I have our disagreements, trust me, but an all-out war of words? Only once has this ever happened, and it was after a VERY intense game of Wii sword-fighting, hah! My competitive nature got the best of me and I didn't talk to him for an hour; I couldn't believe how much joy he experienced by hurling me off that pedestal. LOL.

Seriously, though. We have disagreed on tons of things, and--for us at least--the solution doesn't have to involve fighting. 

What's sad is we have questioned whether or not we should fight more--based on others' opinions of more fighting equals more passion or a stronger relationship! The simple truth is we genuinely have nothing to fight about. We see life exactly the same way, we value the same things, our goals for ourselves and our life together are the same. We haven't confined ourselves to the other's way of thinking; It's just how we were raised and how we are. 

Maybe we just got lucky.

Sure, our personalities differ, but they seem to balance each other out perfectly. Where I am impatient and have difficulty waiting on anyone's timing but my own, he is patient and understanding. We are both pretty laid back and take life as it comes. 

So, if we don't fight, how do we resolve our differences? 

• To me, it's about pride. I know I can be pretty stubborn (thanks mom for that trait, lol!), so most of the time, an argument hinges on whether or not I choose to dwell on something or let it go. At the beginning of our marriage, the thing we saw most differently was finances. Hubs loved to save money, I loved to spend it. I KNEW saving money was what we were supposed to be doing, and it wasn't until I chose to change my ways that we overcame that hurdle. It was hard to cave and give in to something I wanted, but when I realized it was best for the marriage and our future, the decision had to be made. He didn't force me into it, and there were never degrading, insulting words thrown at each other. It just took one of us making the decision to defy our pride.

• Agree to disagree. I would like to believe I am a good communicator. After all, my job title is 'communications specialist' and I have two college degrees in Human Relations--'relating to humans' should come pretty easily to me. In the midst of a disagreement, I try my hardest to listen and put myself in his shoes. At times, we just have to agree to disagree. Like I said earlier, our values and goals are the same, so when we 'agree to disagree' it's not over something like our faith and how we want to raise our kids--those are things I feel like must be agreed upon. It's usually more about something smaller which may or may not be part of the big picture, like deciding where or on what to spend money. I want one thing (say, a vacation), he wants another (to finish building and furnishing our study). Well, how important is either one, really? We're not going to be lying on our death beds saying, "Gosh, I still can't believe you didn't let me take that vacation or build that study." Again, it's up to one of us to realize and choose to say, "It's not that big of a deal," and give in to our desires, or if we agree to disagree, we don't spend money on either and continue saving it. 

• We are good at letting things go. Yes, it hurts my pride when I have to give in and say I was wrong or give up something I wanted, but I don't sit around and dwell on it, and neither does he. Forgive. Forget. Move on. We don't have time to be holding meaningless grudges or keeping score. Life is short, and we don't want to spend it fighting with each other.